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SOCIETY
AND SOLITUDE
TAKEN FROM INTRODUCTION TO A DEVOUT
LIFE
by
St. Francis de Sales, Doctor of the Church
CHAPTER XXIV.
OF CONVERSATION AND SOLITUDE.
Seeking
familiar conversations
with others and avoiding them are two extremes equally blameworthy in
devout people living in the world, whom we are now discussing. To shun
all conversations savors of disdain, and contempt of our neighbor; and
to be addicted to them is a mark of sloth and idleness. We must love
our neighbor as ourselves, and to prove that we love him we must not
fly his company; and to testify that we love ourselves we must remain
with ourselves when we are alone by ourselves. "Think first of
thyself," says St. Bernard, "and then of others." If, then, nothing
obliges you to go abroad into company, or to receive company at home,
remain with yourself, and entertain yourself with your own heart; but
if company visits you, or any just cause invites you into company, go
in God's name, Philothea, and see your neighbor with a benevolent heart
and a good intention.
We
call those conversations evil which are held with an evil intention, or
when the company is vicious, indiscreet, and dissolute; and must avoid
them as bees shun wasps or hornets. For, as when persons are bitten by
mad dogs, their perspiration, their breath, and their very spittle,
become infectious, especially for children, and those of a tender
complexion; so vicious and dissolute persons cannot be visited without
the utmost hazard and danger, especially by those whose devotion is as
yet young and tender.
There
are some unprofitable conversations held merely to recreate and divert
us from our serious occupations, to which we must not be too much
addicted, although we may allow them to occupy the leisure destined for
recreation. Other conversations have civility for their object, as in
the case of mutual visits, and certain assemblies made to do honor to
our neighbor. With respect to these, as we ought not to be
superstitious in the practice of them, so neither must we be uncivil in
contemning them, but modestly comply with our duty in their regard, so
that we may equally avoid both ill-breeding and levity.
It
remains for us to speak of the profitable conversation of devout and
virtuous persons. To converse frequently, Philothea, with such persons
will be to you of the utmost benefit. As the vine that is planted
amongst olive trees produces oily grapes, which have the taste of
olives, so the soul which is often in the company of virtuous people
cannot but partake of their qualities. As drones cannot make honey
without the assistance of the bees, so it is of great advantage to us
in the exercise of devotion to converse with those that are devout.
In
all conversations, sincerity, simplicity, meekness, and modesty should
be preserved. There are some persons who make no gesture or motion
without so much affectation as to trouble the company; and as he who
cannot walk without counting his steps, or speak without singing, would
be troublesome to the rest of mankind, so they who affect an artificial
carriage, and do nothing without affectation, are very disagreeable in
conversation, for in such persons there is always some kind of
presumption. Let a moderate cheerfulness be ordinarily predominant in
our conversation. St. Romuald and St. Anthony are highly commended,
that, notwithstanding all their austerities, they had always both their
countenance and their discourse adorned with joy, gayety, and courtesy.
"Rejoice with them that rejoice." [Rom. xii. 13] And again I say to
you, with the Apostle, "Rejoice always, but in the Lord. Let your
modesty be known to all men." [Phil. iv. 4] To rejoice in our Lord, the
subject of your joy must not only be lawful, but also decent; and this
I say, because there are some things lawful, which yet are not decent;
and, that your modesty may be known to all, keep yourself free from
insolence, which is always reprehensible. To cause one of the company
to fall down, to disfigure another's face, are foolish and insolent
merriments.
But,
besides that mental solitude to which you may retreat, even amidst the
greatest conversation, as I have hitherto observed, [P. ii. ch. 12],
you ought also to love local and real solitude: not that you should go
into the desert, as St. Mary of Egypt, St. Paul, St. Anthony, St.
Arsenius, and the other ancient solitaries, did; but that you should
remain for some time alone by yourself in your chamber or garden, or in
some other place, where you may at leisure withdraw your spirit into
your heart, and recreate your soul with pious meditations, holy
thoughts, or spiritual reading. St. Gregory Nazianzen, speaking of
himself, says, "I walked with myself about sunset, and passed the time
upon the sea-shore; for I am accustomed to use this recreation to
refresh myself, and to shake off a little my ordinary troubles; and
afterwards he relates the pious reflections he made, which I have
already mentioned. St. Austin relates, that often going into the
chamber of St. Ambrose, who never denied entrance to any one, he found
him reading, and that after having remained awhile, for fear of
interrupting him, he departed again without speaking a word, thinking
that the little time that remained to this great pastor for recreating
his spirit, after the hurry of his various affairs, should not be taken
from him. And when the apostles one day had told our Lord how they had
preached, and how much they had done, he said to them, [Mark vi. 13]:
"Come ye apart into a desert place, and rest a little."
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